We steal.

The iMac on the guy’s lap starts sliding off. He appears to be sleeping. The slide accelerates. I quickly reach out, just barely catch it by the corner, and save it from the imminent crash to the floor. I try to place it back on his lap, but its weight is now entirely in my hand, and my outstretched arm hurts. I pull it into my chest so I don’t drop it.
That is exactly when he wakes up.

He glares at me, moves over two seats, and continues to sleep with the laptop precariously balanced atop his knee. I take a photo. I try to blur the face out so I can post it to Facebook.
In the meantime, he wakes to a skype call from his girlfriend. He yells “Omg!! My face is, like, censored.”
!!!!!!!! Busted!!
image

I freeze. I use just my eyes to look. Appears he’s discussing another photo. He must be really prone to getting blurred out of a photo.

Honey boo boo

Putting others down is the quickest temporary relief from insecurity.

Humans like to place themselves on a scale and put others above or below them. The scale tends to be appearance, job prestige, income, education, athleticity, The size of the house, and how well your kids in sports.
Oh don’t forget the most harmless one – how well they conform to our idea of a good life.

Not how happy they are. How close they are to their personal goals. If they even set their personal goals. How Much they think for themselve. Instead of following the mass.

I tended to pride myself in the observation that I’m far less judge

mental than people around me. Except I judged others doe being judgemental. I didn’t put someone above or below me based on a criterion.
This arrogance was exposed last night.

Typically. Honey boo boo.
The family
Is happy
loves each other
Loves themselves
raises 10-15 thousand dollars each year on their own even before the TV show so every child in the community gets a gift from santa
the mama is legally blind and has a deformed toe
The father works 7 days to support the family
the family refused TV show’s offer to move them into a bigger house Because the community is important to them.
The mother puts every last cent they earn from TV show in trust accounts for kids.
Kids acknowledge they are overweight and should lose weight, but they are not ashamed of their body or themselves.
Is happy.

Yet people like to make fun of them or roll their eyes at them.

I’ve had a conversation with some very well-rounded friends. The type who can listen and is able to change their opinions.

This topic, they weren’t quite so convinced. Oh it’s the TV editing. Oh it’s white trash. Oh they are not educated. they do it for rating

I agree with their points.

Yet I see those points having anything to do with them deserving to be laughed at or you deserving to laugh at them. I don’t see them as belonging to a lower class.

You may be educated. Do you donate 10,000 each year for no return or reward but your own peace of mind and charity while blind?

If you are reading this and think “you’re rude to speak to me this way, but you might just have a point,” you might also understand that i thought I was pretty non-judgemental or, more accurately, non-prejudiced.image

This all got turned upside down.

In one episode, mama June was very happy about dressing up and doing hair so she’ll be beautimous and her partner would be so happy (she’s rarely ever lovey-dovey with her partner Sugar bear. She does not kiss him in front of kids or the tv). She blows a kiss to the camera.

There I think to myself. “She truly thinks she’s beautiful!?!?!?”

There you have it. Me. Completely exposed as a fraud.

P.S. What did you think when you saw the attached picture? I’d like my genuine reaction to be “wow she’s having a great time.”

We whine.

When you tell someone you’re sick.  Like “I think I have cancer.”  Their responses are “OH STOP.  You don’t have cancer.”  Some of those people are doctors.

After years of this, I finally park myself in the doctor’s office till she hears me through.  I can see her forehead tighten as I go through the list of symptoms in its entirety for the first time.  I was sent out with 8 lab requisitions, x-ray, ultrasound, and urine test just to start eliminating some possibilities.
This “Let’s cheer everyone up, regardless of everything else!!” thing in the Canadian culture could kill people.

We catch.

This morning, my coworker was making fun of how my thoughts skip forward sometimes.

So just now, I am at a store buying coffee beans. I question the price.
Clerk: “This one is $17, not $15. Do you want to cancel?”
Me: “You might die tomorrow.”

What I really meant to say: “Nah, I’ll splurge. What’s 2 dollars. One could die tomorrow.

She took off (I was at self-serve). I want to clear up the confusion. Looking back, I realize it wasn’t the best call to sprint after her. But at least I caught her.

We sing.

When you rock into the chorus, tapping your foot, eyes closed, finger snapping. Totally hitting the high note.
And there is one more line in the verse.

We pay fares.

On the skytrain in Vienna, a boring-looking lady waves her ID and announces “Betreff de gratz otometz!” (spelling might be slightly off, of course.) Everyone immediately starts shuffling and sticking their hands and heads in the pockets and bags.
She realizes I’m not moving so she repeats it just to me again but slowly and threateningly this time. I don’t know what it all means, so I smile and approach her. And it occurs to me “HANG ON, WOMAN. What if she’s a mugger and everyone is pulling out their wallets?” I leap backwards like a Sonya Tayeh routine. And catch myself “What robber has a photo id?” She glares at me from above her reading glasses. I’m still frozen, and we’re in a stare down. I think “This is how people get killed. You stupid ass.”

A girl sticks a pass to intersect the stare-down. The lady nods. A Sky train fare evader buster!! Phew.  I proudly step forward and show her my card.

She examines it.  Points at it, “stamp!”, tsks, and copies the issuing date from my receipt to the blank space on the card.

Train gets to the next stop by the time this whole thing is over. A dozen people rush off the train in that “I was always getting off at this station” manner. They might as well have whistled.  You’re welcome.
Oops it’s my stop too! I run to follow the masses and… these doors are fast eh?  I walk away, holding my right ribs.

We are curious.

Blending in

No matter how remote, apparently it’s obvious I’m English-speaking. No messing around – they go “hi” in English with me.  Maybe because I don’t have skinny pants on.  EXPERIMENT TIME!

Bought a book written in German. Yellow, so it pops. Tuck it under the arm. Try it in the most touristy area of Vienna.

They spoke to me in Japanese.