I Googled, and the term “chubby chaser” doesn’t seem to offend people. But if it does, please leave a comment below with hopefully a suggestion of a better choice.
So. I am fairly attracted to people of average size and bigger. And here is why.
I’ve been on both extremes of success.
A: Setting out a high standard or goal and meeting it. Making a great wage, having a high-status job title, being fashionable, having a six-pack in a size 0, being good and popular.
B: Setting out a minimal standard and failing even that. Getting out of the house at least once a day. Maybe eat a vegetable a week. Make and keep one friend. Not spending all the money I had saved. Not getting deeper into debt. Hold down a job. Try not to lose another 5 pounds. Try not to gain another 8 pounds.
And here is what the life side of it looks like.
A: When I’m successful at my goals, my new goals are linear extension. I’d like to learn more and improve. But my focus is on building upon the success. Go further. Go faster. Go higher. Go longer. Be better. I’m feeling validated and satisfied. This could be work, academics, relationships, physical dimensions, physical strength.
B: When I’ve miserably failed at my goals, my new goals are internal. Goal #1: Try again. Goal #2: Ok, failed again. Find new goals. Goal #3: Hang on…Find myself so I can find my new goals. Goal #4: Oh…my…who am I?….OK, now try not to get shaken to the core by the discovery my identity was wrapped around my successes. Goal #5: BREATHE. JUST. BREATHE.
DETOUR1: Am I a loser? Do people respect me now that I failed at this? Detour 2: [after weeks and months of soul searching] All humans deserve respect. So I deserve respect. If people aren’t giving me respect, that’s their problem, not mine. Goal#6: Be skeptical of everything that the society taught me. Goal #7: Find out what my “happy” is made of. Goal #8: OMG this is what empathy means…forgiving those that disrespect me.
Now, please don’t let this post make us judge successful people. Many socioeconomically successful people have gone through both Scenario A and B. Sometimes their success in one caused the other. Maybe experiencing B didn’t affect the pursue of A. Either way, no judging.
When people ask “How tall is he?” or “How much money does she make?”, my interest is in how much of scenario B that person has experienced. I ask “How deeply did s/he fail, and how did they deal with themselves?” To me, that’s a measure of a successful life. And, unfortunately, people that are overweight tend to have had to go through at least some level of soul searching. Along with those that have been divorced, lost a job, hit rock bottom, have difficult relationships with family members, have a story of addiction (to exercise, a relationship, drugs, whatever it might be), and those that are LGBTQ. Out of this list, one that is visual is the weight, and that’s why I’m attracted to them.
P.S. I fully admit that all I stated above are stereotypes. It is hard to avoid preventing stereotypes from affecting our first impressions. Am I discriminatory to those who have worked very very hard to succeed at whatever they try? I guess in a way. I just like to call it “biased first impression” not discrimination.