They say they want to date me because I am independent, enjoy doing my own things, and have my baggage properly looked after and stowed. They even go so far as to say “So happy to finally found someone who’s truly independent!”
Then they are all shocked and hurt that I don’t start texting them every hour and seeing them every other day after one date.
I tried many different ways and invested hours into communicating “I very much enjoy your company and wish to see you more. I’m just… independent.” It doesn’t seem that’s what they want to hear.
I’m interested in getting to know them and, when we are together, in seeing what kind of a moment, experience, we can build together. As we get to know each other, maybe eventually I’ll want to string these moments together and see what kind of a life we can build together.
But when I’m not with them, I’d like to experience life that’s actually happening and not just be waiting/planning to see them.
Once we do get into a relationship, I will lean on you for support but will not need you for happiness. I will not satisfy your wish to feel needed, but I’ll make you feel desired. I will listen to you, be your support, look after you if you’re ill, and put our relationship as a priority. I will help you understand the difference between independent, which I am, and aloof, which I’m not.
I will not respond to a demand “as my girlfriend, you’re expected to do this,” but hopefully with understanding I will want to do it anyway.
My job is not to learn what you think you are entitled to from your girlfriend or to conform to that role. My job is to give you everything I have to give you then some.
Your job is to appreciate my company, not make me serve a function. Acknowledge and celebrate what I bring to your life, not demand that I bring a pre-determined list of functions to your life.
You may not make me a girlfriend. You may call me your girlfriend.
You will choose me. You will not “fit” me.
You will never be asked to fill a list of functions either.
You will never see me make a pro-and-con list about you.
You will never hear me compare and complain about what my friends’ partners do for them.
You will be expected to check in with me only if you had said you would.
You will be always treated as you, not as a role of a partner, and will never hear “partners are supposed to do this for me.”
You will never me take our relationship hostage “If you want to continue being my partner, you are expected to…”
You will be appreciated as who you are.