I know why you treat me this way.
I know why you give more attention and attentiveness to people you have to chase.
The easiest way to deal with hurt is to pass it on.
When you were growing up, love that was important to you was taken from you. You chased and chased so valiantly. You were so little then. You never got to change it. You keep doing it now as if to tilt the game in your favour on average.
When you gave love so freely as a child, people dismissed it and discarded it, didn’t they. It taught you that love that’s given freely is of no value.
And this is how these manifest today.
Making people prove themselves over and over.
Freely pointing out their short-comings. Putting people down and calling it teasing. Supporting their actions and choices only when you agree with them.
And, if they try to discuss these matters, cutting them off saying they can leave if they don’t like it.
They are not the people who abandoned you in the past. They give you love, and maybe at some point they’ll leave you. But they do not deserve to be tested this way, and these tests do inflict real pain. You keep doing that, and they eventually leave you. You use these in support of your point that they are not to be trusted, but in reality they are a self-fulfilling prophesy.
You have a choice today to stop inflicting pain and stop refusing to give them the trust they’ve earned.
Keep bracing for abandonment
I know the other reason you test your people. It’s easier that way when they do leave.
You have something tangible as a reason they abandoned you, so you can tell yourself that you as a person isn’t a failure. Every now and again, hurt them a little. So you’ll always have a fresh event to blame.
Everything is secondary to preventing pain.
Everything is readily discarded to give priority to preventing pain. Sure, this is ok when the pain was so unbearable when you were a kid.
This mechanism was so effective that you were able to block all pain, didn’t you. And you ended up robbing yourself of the experience to learn to accept pain, manage pain, heal from it, and use it to grow wiser. Only thing you know is to prevent it.
You have a choice today. Keep doing what you’ve been doing – it has been working, hasn’t it – and consider everything and everyone dispensable. Or find a new mechanism that prevents big ones but lets you trust people.
No one is good enough for you.
If you got this far, I thank you for it. I didn’t think you would.
And, if I know you at all, you’re thinking “I don’t treat you that way.” Sorry, you do.
And you’re probably thinking, “I have friends who earned my trust and that I trust.” This isn’t true.
How many times have they sat you down and told you that you’ve hurt their feelings, they disagreed with your choices, or helped you see your accountability in certain events? In other words, have they truly trust you to provide friendship that you deserve? Or are they giving you companionship and verbal expression of love that you feel safe with because you know they’ll enable you and never confront you?
You have a choice today.