The myth of “the ideal person”

We all try so hard to be beautiful, fit, perfect, successful, popular, wealthy, funny, fashionable, and strong. We are taught that this is the ideal person.

A lot of us choose our date based on how many of those they tick off. Why not. This is the ideal person.

I’ll debunk this myth with one question.

When you had just the worst day at work. You’ve made a small lapse that snowballed and caused a massive problem. Your boss thinks you were grossly negligent, which is far from the truth. Everyone is letting out huge audible sighs around you all day, and no one is willing to hear your side of the story. You know exactly how to fix it, but they aren’t even letting you touch it. Even your work friends are avoiding making eye contact with you for fear of being seen as “one of you.” There is nothing more you can do. You sit at your desk with cold clammy hands, shaking, till you sneak out at 5.
Or maybe you made a massive mistake. Doesn’t matter for this story. 

Question: Would you rather go home to a beautiful, fit, successful, funny, and fashionable spouse or go home to someone who too made mistakes, has been ostracised, and knows exactly what you’re going through. And can speak from experience that everything will in fact be fine.

Personally, I absolutely do not comprehend why people pursue the beautiful. The successful. The fit. The fashionable.

Well, I know why. But I don’t get it. Here is why.

Being that perfect person of those characteristics is a sure way to approval. And approval, as we all know, is important.
Dating that perfect person is sure way to approval and a medal everyone can see that indicates that you are considered worthy by this perfect person. Therefore, you’re worthy.
This is what we are taught by society to think. 

In reality, what makes us feel truly worthy?
Not if the successful spouse teaches you how you could have succeeded instead when you’re so devastated by the day. 
Not if the funny husband tries to make you laugh when you’re exhausted.
Not if the beautiful spouse looks longingly at you.

We feel worthy if our spouse sits down and spends 2 hours completely focused on you, listening to your pain, your confusion, how lost you are, how unfair everything is, and repeat it in different words for the 5th time.
And your spouse holds you and listens.
And your knowing that they know the pain of failure because they too have fallen flat on their face. Because they too had felt lost, disliked, and alienated. And devastatingly isolated.

If we want to show worthy, we should date the pretty.

If we want to feel worthy, we really need to learn that a perfect person is someone who’s failed in more areas of life more times than you in more dramatic fashion. Among other things.

If we want approval from people, we should try and be beautiful.
If we want to be truly worthy, we should go and experience everything including failure.


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