Whenever someone praises “Hey, this guy did it this way!,” and it’s something you’re doing too except in an average way, what you hear is “and you’re a FAILURE for not doing it this way!”
In your mind, the safety and confidence of where you stand, how you’re doing, has been shaken up by this guy being way out there. You have to take that guy down. You have to make him wrong. Because that’s the only way you’re doing ok, you pass, you’re not a failure.
Most recently, a guy in his 30’s paid off his mortgage in 3 years by doing nothing but working. Nobody said to you “What a sucker you are for giving away so much money to the bank over 20 years.” But that’s what you hear. He has become a target of online hate.
Let me tell you what it really is.
You remember things. I do too.
I worked really really hard at the summer project. I made a marionette from scratch with moving limbs. Made the face. Painted it. A lot of parts in it took a lot of thinking, trying, inventing, experimenting, and failing. And succeeding. Repeat.
My father sees what I was doing, and he asks my sister if she too needs a summer project. He basically goes ahead and makes a marionette in a few minutes that looks like it came from an antique shop. At home and at school, no one even so much as glanced at mine.
Back then, I just felt sad and hurt.
Today, can I be sure that I wouldn’t have tried to bring down my sister? saying “She got dad to do it. She didn’t do any of it herself!” I can’t.
Right now, you’re thinking “But she did get Dad’s help. She does need to be brought down.”
By that logic, this mortgage guy who did nothing wrong, doesn’t deserve to be brought down.
Even my sister doesn’t deserve that. She had nothing to do with it. My dad went ahead and took control. My sister is just as much a victim of this as I was, and bringing her down is completely unjust and unfair.
The point I think I’m trying to make is this.
NO ONE makes you feel insecure. Your insecurity may be triggered by someone else’s action or choice. But they don’t make you feel insecure. They have nothing to do with your feeling bad about yourself. You’re the only person who compares you to them. He is one person who climbed the Everest. You’re one of one billion people who never even though to try. No one thought less of you.
When you feel so bad about yourself that you try to take them down when they’ve done nothing to you, that’s when…