How the Ghomeshi witnesses didn’t help other accusers

I think we have to face the fact some statements by the witnesses in the Ghomeshi trial were in fact inconsistent. 
I think it’s important to make sure it’s remembered that
1- the judge states jumbled statements by traumatized witnesses to be “of little concern” to their credibility.
2- The judge acknowledges that the behaviour of victims may not follow the expectations.
Did you know…
One of the witnesses denied what she said to the police after the video of her saying it was played in court. (para 32)

It’s not that the statements contradicted evidence. It was that the statements contradicted previous statements, all of which given with confidence, comfort, and under oath (para 65).
The story told with very consistent confusion multiple times was suddenly very clear when told in court. (para 63)
The witness swore she was never playful with the accused after the abuse. Emails to the contrary surfaced. (para 82-84)
I believe you see my point. But you can read the judgment here
I think it’s important to note, for the current and future Canadians, that maybe those witnesses were inconsistent beyond what was reasonable as a victim. That the inconsistencies discussed here doesn’t apply to other victims and that they can come forward without worrying about their accusations turning into a Ghomeshi trial.
The thing is… how to do that while being sensitive to these witnesses who are going through true hell.

Vancouver affordable housing and the millenia

We talk about millenia being an entitled generation. 
Now we are talking about providing affordable housing. We are telling them, purposely or not, that they are a victim of the irrationally high housing price bubble. 


Every major city was once affordable. And they hit a certain size.

Do American youth feel it’s unjust and unfair that no affordable housing is created by the government and made available to them in Manhattan? Do we cry for them if a 30-year-old, a parent to 2 kids, complains they have to spend 2 hours commuting to their work in Tokyo, or do we shrug and say “well, but it’s Tokyo”?

Some cities create affordable housing.  But these are hardly what millenia are picturing when they say “affordable.” I did some research. Anything $1200-1400 is listed as affordable in Greater Toronto (not even downtown Toronto, which is smaller than the entire city of vancouver.), and those are 600 sqft bachelor.

When the millenia hear “affordable housing,” they think it’s a rent they can afford. Couldn’t be more wrong. 

Where does it end anyway. The city makes 100 affordable housing. How about the other 70,000 that didn’t get one of the 100?

Housing market becomes impossible when a city grows. There is absolutely no other city like vancouver in the whole world. Prices go up. It’s all a natural progression.

My point: stop catering to millenia who seem to believe they are entitled to live in the city of vancouver.

Love is not about saying “I Love You”

I don’t like gems. Just… something about precious rocks that gives me the ick.
Seeing a “Kay jewelry” tv ad, my then-boyfriend hums “Every kiss begins with k” and announces he and I should go ring shopping. I’m thrilled, and I say I love what he means by it but let’s not do a ring.
He says yes let’s do a ring. I say Hey, remember how I feel about gems? He says he doesn’t care. He wants to give me a diamond, and I must accept a diamond. I say I understand you feel like you are ripped off of an experience, but can it please be about me since I’m the one who has to wear it every day…maybe we can do a ring but without a diamond?
No, he says. It will be a diamond ring, and that’s the end of the story.

That was the end of the relationship.
No, it wasn’t about the diamond ring. This conversation made me realize that’s how he viewed the world. He will tell me “I love you” in the way he wants, and I’m supposed to receive it. There was no consideration of what makes me feel loved. Such as him taking a second to think about how I’d feel.

There are a lot of that in this world.

I have a dog. And he taught me that I too have this tendency.

He is a rescue with his own understanding of the world. I got him when he was three and had no chance to mould his world the way I wanted him to see it.

We worked together, and now I’m blessed to live with a dog whose decisions are based on his love for me not based on his fear of the world.

He walks away from me because he trusts I’ll be there the next time he looks for me.
He comes back to me when he’s unsure of what to do.
He gets my attention when he’s scared.

That’s how be says “I love you.”

My actions that he sees as me saying “I love you”:

I am always calm and confident, allowing him to feel safe.
I am his survival – food and walks.
I give him instructions and keep him safe when he is unsure.
I am home a lot. I let him sleep in the bedroom.

My expression of love he hates:

Sleeping on my bed.

Almost daily, I struggle with the urge to give him hugs, to share a cuddle, and to generally be physically close.
He just wants to sit a few inches or a few feet away from me and stare at me.

I have to let him win because my prioritizing my way of saying “I love you” only distresses him.
Every day, I tell him how much I love him by eliminating all of my gestures of love.