It’s completely unfair. That’s all there is to it. Any time you say “I’m just teasing you” with “just” in it, don’t. Just don’t.
Let me break it down.
Communication between humans must be done with sincerity, respect, and accountability. If you have something you want the other person to know, don’t hide behind “I’m just teasing.”
If you’re actually teasing, it will have no “messages.” Zero. Zero messages. It will not include blame. It will not express your frustration. It will not teach a lesson. If any of those are included – no matter how subtle, your responsibility is to communicate it with sincerity, respect, and accountability.
“I’m just teasing” or “I’m just joking” that includes a message is a complete cop-out. You said what you wanted to say but circumventing the accountability for communicating it.
No, it’s not funny. No, it’s not fair. And, no, no one is laughing. No, no one deserves to be teased. NO ONE. And, you do it enough, you’ll break the relationship.
You are just cultivating resentment. Because no one says “I’m just teasing you” without actually being aware of the fact it stung the other person. And you’re saying it to shut down the conversation the other person is trying to start, leaving them unheard and unimportant.
It’s unfair. Don’t do it.